Intelligent IT Apes Play Aggressive Poker Online
Inc. provides low cost, high quality IT services
using primates, mostly chimps and gorillas, trained in routine IT tasks.
The apes receive advanced technical training, and many are
highly skilled software developers. All have received technical Java
training and .NET training from the company.
According to the press release, the full story with pictures of “PPI apes playing poker” may be viewed at the web site www.PrimatePoker.com.
Primate "Poker Faces"
Poker online is played with a user-defined “screen name” or nickname.
Because of this setup, online poker players cannot know who they are
actually playing against. According to PPI, the anonymous nature of online
poker playing provides a natural way for the IT apes to play poker against
human opponents. The press release cited the “aggressive nature of online
poker” as being “very attractive to our staff, some of whom have won
thousands of dollars”.
The apes operate behind screen names such as “DrDestructo” and “ThePikerMan”.
"No Limit" Exclusively
According to the PPI press release, the apes play “no-limit” stakes
exclusively. In no-limit poker, a player may bet all of his chips at
any time. This form of poker requires extraordinary bluffing skills.
Those who have visited zoos with primates know how chimps and gorillas
enjoy rushing towards the fencing, to startle visitors and thus amuse
themselves. Now these highly intelligent animals have found an outlet
for aggressive bluffing tendencies in the world of online, big-bet poker.
The PPI press release did not state the stakes at which the apes enjoyed playing. During our investigation, we learned that the many of the apes were playing “$200 no limit” Texas Hold’Em single table tournaments. In these games, each player wagers two hundred dollars. The winner of the competition gets a prize of $1000, 2nd place gets $600 and 3rd gets $400.
Check, then Raise
Silverman added, “I’ve lost a lot of money to him. He’d play with nothing during the early rounds and be sure to display his utterly worthless cards. Later, he’d bet big, and of course, everyone called. Then he’d show us aces. Some of these pots were in the thousands of dollars.”
Poker Primates Can Program
Because the apes receive Java training and Microsoft .NET software development training, some analysts are strongly suggesting the apes are writing specialized computer programs that can help them win. The exact nature of these programs is unknown. Every individual at Primate Programming Inc. receives software developer training. The curriculum includes .NET training, Java training, JSP training and additional training in XML, OOP, and SQL technologies.
How the apes use that tech training to win online is unknown. However, what is understood is this: these apes are winning a large and considerable sum of money. Some of the apes reportedly have an "earn" rate that exceeds $300 per clock hour. If that is the actual rate, each ape would be worth well over 600 thousand per year if they played full-time.
The Art of the Deal
A new spinoff is in the works: Primate Poker Inc. Sources from that firm provided the pictures for this story. According to reports, ten to twenty of PPI's primates are so successful online that the potential for a new business model has been discussed. At issue is the role of Mark Bajek, CEO of PPI. Many of PPI's clients are led by executives that play poker online daily. Thus, deploying aggressive poker playing apes online may be a conflict of interest for the company. Our reporters have learned that entreprenuer Dr. Norm McAuliffe has provided gaming funds, housing and T1 connectivity. The startup business is dedicated to great apes playing profitably, online, 24 hours per day.
Primate Poker CEO Norm McAuliffe is a Yale biology Phd. His family is well connected in academic and scientific circles. His brother, Dr. James McAuliffe, is a researcher at the Stamford School of Zoology. He achieved worldwide recognition through lab research that confirmed that higher primates can program.
When we approached the company for a quote from the CEO, we received this statement from the firm: "Certain species of these information technology apes at PPI have proven very trainable, with a natural talent for aggressive, big-bet poker. I'm completely commited to this business model. It is reasonable to say I am "all in".
Repeated calls to PPI in Des Moines were not returned by press time.
Calls to online poker sites www.PartyPoker.com and www.PokerStars.com also went unreturned.
Pictures of Apes Playing Poker at www.PrimatePoker.com
(Note: Be sure to visit The NewTechDaily to catch breaking news on this developing story.)